Trying to figure out “how to save my marriage alone?” Has it been a really long time since you and your spouse were genuinely happy in your marriage? You and your spouse used to be so happy and in love together. Fighting in a marriage is normal. In fact, CNN.com says it can actually be healthy. But if your fights consists of door slamming, name calling or any forms of physical contact… than that’s when fights go from healthy to toxic.
Right now, being in a happy and loving marriage probably feels like nothing but a faded memory from a long time ago. Discover what you can do to save your marriage when you’re the only one that seems to be trying (especially if you’re constantly fighting).
Riddled With Thoughts of “How to Save My Marriage Alone?”: Understand This….
When you’re the only one trying to make your marriage work, understand that as much as you wished you could, you really can’t control your partner’s thoughts, feelings or actions. The more you try to get your husband or wife to do something, the more futile your efforts will be.
Telling your spouse that they need to give you more attention and affection will evidently repel them away from you. You can’t demand for attention and love, instead you must attract it. The more you demand for love, the farther you push your spouse away. Instead of asking yourself, “how to save my marriage alone,” ask yourself how you can cope with your emotions in a better way.
Understand that the only person who you can control is yourself. You might as well be trying to hit your head against a brick wall if you’re trying to get your spouse to be something other than what they are. You can’t force someone to change unless they genuinely want to change.
How you Deal With Your Emotions
Do you and your spouse fight a lot? When people fight, their basically doing everything they can to convince their partner that their point of view is right and that their partner is wrong. Fighting and arguing is normal in any relationship but when the fighting begins to turn ugly, than that is not effective fighting.
Check out this video on how to fight fairly with your spouse:)
The point of fighting is trying to find a solution together, as a couple… not as enemies. Many times, toxic fights consist of ugly and painful words that are hard to take back. If you’re saying things with the sole purpose of hurting your spouse, you need to take a step back and remember that this person in front of you is not your enemy but your partner.
You must control your emotions as an adult. Children can throw tantrums, yell, scream and slam doors. But you on the other hand, you and your spouse are adults, treat each other as you would if the whole world was watching you. You can’t control the word’s that come out of your spouse’s mouth, but you can control how you react to their words.
How you cope with your emotions will effect your marriage. If you tent to lash out when you’re upset, you may need to find a better way of coping with your emotions in a healthier way. Go out for a walk when you feel a fight brewing, go to the gym to release negative tension, and go talk to a friend to vent.
How to Fight Fairly with Your Spouse
Remember, your words could be just as harmful to a marriage. To prevent nasty fights, use “I” statements instead of “You” statements. When you are using “I” statements, you are talking about your feelings, not your partner’s. Your partner will have a very difficult time arguing when it comes to your feelings.
Just like you, you can’t control your partner’s thoughts or feelings. When you use “You” statements, those words are more argumentative and easily debatable.
This is a better way to communicate with your partner when you feel a fight about to brew. Ask yourself, what is your goal when it comes to fighting with your spouse. Is your goal to win in a fight and potentially hurting your partner or is it to find a solution to the problem? If you are riddled with thoughts of “how to save my marriage alone,” you need to find a better way in relating and communicating with your spouse. Don’t lose hope. Save your marriage before it gets to the point of no return. Take the NEXT step to saving your marriage here.
